Why?

I’ve come to realize that I’m not particularly submissive, yet I’m still obsessed with femdom and power exchange. I don’t really identify with the “worship” angle, rather I fantasize about being the helpless victim of a sadistic femme fatale. Well, in real life that doesn’t happen all that often.

I’m intrigued by power exchange and have sought more than a few relationships with femdoms, both online and off. For the most part, I’ve always felt like I was “playing along”. Especially when it came to professional Dommes, even online. The usual routine is I tell her what turns me on, and then she does that, but with a domineering edge and attitude. I’m almost 40 now, and I’m just too jaded and cynical to keep indulging in theatrics.

So I thought about it, and I came up with some ideas for self bondage. And those ideas grew, and evolved, and I realized that was the path to an authentic exchange of power with an online Mistress. So to be clear, I don’t have a fetish for self bondage and captivity per se. I am craving the thrill of helplessness, powerlessness, and completely open-ended surrender. These methods just happen to be the most practical method that I’ve devised to achieve this.

No matter what task or punishment my Mistress has assigned, there was always an element of volunteerism when you’re playing online. Everything was done by my own hand, and completely under my control. Her ‘commands’ were more like suggestions.

But a lock…..that’s not a suggestion. An unbreakable steel shackle says “you’re staying right where I want you, for as long as I want you”. No theatrics. No chickening out. Once locked, I’m helpless.

And to whom should I give this power…..?

I have been a long time fan of Ms Cassandra from LDW. Our first call was almost two decades ago, and it went horribly. I complained to the service even. I was full of fire back in those days and I demanded satisfaction! I overreacted for sure, but since LDW is the paragon of professionalism, they did everything you could possibly ask to make it right.

From then on, I watched Ms Cassandra out of the corner of my eye, lurked on her blog. I read about her slaves having these intense adventures. I wanted in. But alas, I was married for many of those years, and unable to play at that level. Also, I was worried Ms Cassandra would remember our first call and want nothing to do with me. So I just watched…and wished.

And now that I have the time, and the means, and the gear, I’m glad Ms Cassandra is still dominating the internet and is letting me be part of her world.

Also, a special thanks to Ms Delia, who has also done an awful lot to help me develop this fetish. I’m hoping that both of these ladies consider me to be their asset, to use as they wish.

So the title of the post is “Why?”. And that’s what this is about. It’s about motivation. I can’t play along with the pro-domme rigamarole anymore. I can’t tell my Mistress what I want her to do to me. It has to serve a greater purpose than my own perverted kinky indulgence.

Ms Cassandra says she will blog about me. She plans to use me as a sort of human advertisement to showcase her cruelty. I like that. I like the idea of other men reading her blog and being jealous of me, the way I was jealous of so many of her featured pets over the years. I like the idea of someone calling her and saying “Please use me like you use LockedDummy”. I’ve also done some very very amateur-level photo editing work for Ms Delia. These things all help me feel like my submission has value that goes beyond a mere business transaction.

The possibilities are endless. Could this power that I’ve surrendered be used to influence or change my behavior? Better habits, or else? I’ve thought about how this could be used to force me into workout routines, better diets, less porn, etc. But then I thought; something that benefits me so much and so directly sort of feels like the opposite of sadism. I wouldn’t rule it out though.

For now, just being a drone for Ms Cassandra is enough motivation. She is investing in me, so I will invest in this opportunity.